Dear Couples,
If you are a bride or groom whose wedding has been impacted by COVID-19, I want you to know how sorry I am. This is the kind of stuff that happens in movies or books, or even just to “other people” right? Why did 2020 have to be the year—of all the years—that a pandemic had to hit? What horrible luck. 2020 had sounded like such a cool date to get married…but maybe coolness is overrated? I’ll take a less-cool wedding date that is free of pandemics any time.
I know how you feel! No, really. I’m not just a wedding planner witnessing the heartbreak of clients facing the impossible decision of postponing or canceling their weddings…I am also a bride who has been forced to postpone my wedding due to this situation. COVID-19 hit me twice—once in the heart of my business, and a second time in the gut, as a bride who has been robbed of my perfect wedding day.
As a bride, of course, I wanted my vendors to honor my deposits and push them forward without charge or just refund me because I am experiencing tragedy and deserve a break from the universe. As a vendor, these are my colleagues who I want to see in business in 2021. As a business owner, I’ll admit that I’ve looked at my wedding postponement and cancellation policies and I won’t lie, I rewrote sections of my contract to better protect me in the event of a pandemic. (Who knew I’d ever live through a circumstance in which the pandemic clause in my contract would need to be referenced?) But…as a bride, I added sections to my contract that would help out my clients too. I asked myself what I would want to read in a vendor contract as a bride with a pandemic in the back of my mind.
I’ve been in business for 4 years and while I’m not in the category of an industry leader, I’ve at least been around the block. I’ve received a good deal of expedited education the last few weeks on how to handle a pandemic as a business owner. I’m also following a couple of bride Facebook groups, so I’ve read a lot of posts written by brides who have had good and bad experiences with vendors during COVID-19.
I don’t agree with everything I’ve read... I’ve read posts from planners who make hypothetical statements saying, “Well if I was a bride right now, I would think/feel/understand X and give my vendors a break.” I’ve also read really distressing posts and comments from pissed off-brides who encourage each other to blast a vendor on social media to ensure that vendor never gets booked again, because they are unable to offer refunds. How…horrible. Please, stop and think for a second—is that vendor trying to personally ruin your day, or are they trying to feed their families?
I am a vendor and a bride, so I can’t approach this with any hypotheticals. I know what it’s like to be in both positions, and guys, I can confidently tell you that both positions suck. The vendors who aren’t giving refunds can’t give refunds. The brides whose wedding dates have been misplaced don’t necessarily think/feel/understand X. We just don’t. We want our money to pay for the services we’ve invested in, or we want it back.
I think the most compassionate thing we can do for one another at this time is to offer and seek perspective. As a small business owner, my priorities are serving my clients while staying in business. As a bride, my priorities are getting what is fair and, as someone who is postponing to 2021, hoping my current vendor team stays in business to serve me for my someday wedding. Am I saying that couples need to take the hit to save the wedding industry from COVID-19? No. Am I suggesting that the couples who want their vendor team to remain in business next year may need to comply with their vendors’ postponement policies to ensure that they are? Maybe. That does seem to be the situation couples—including myself—are facing.
I am doing my best to offer lenient policy exceptions to my clients to ensure that I can work with them on their new dates. What this means is that the payments I was supposed to earn in 2020 have been postponed along with my clients’ new dates, and dates that were on my 2020 calendar are now occupying limited real estate on my 2021 calendar. I can take a limited amount of dates each season to preserve the integrity of my work (and my sanity)!
I am doing this because I have financial support from my family and now-husband (we eloped!) and could sacrifice my entire 2021 salary for the sake of my clients if I really had to. If it came to that, I probably would. I love my clients that much. I love my small business that much. Guys, my business is my baby! The most important accomplishment I’ve ever achieved. For most small businesses, our work is the heart and soul of our lives; we wake up to it every day and find great meaning and purpose in it. We put in long hours to perfect our work and bend over backwards to serve our clients! Imagine how the possibility of bankruptcy guts us. Our clients are truly the heart of our work…imagine how the possibility of letting down our clients makes us feel?
I am in the fortunate position of being able to sacrifice the potential income of new 2021 clients for the seeing-through of the 2020 weddings that COVID-19 has turned upside down. I make that sacrifice for them because I hope that my vendors would do that for me if they could.
But…what if my husband was depending on my income and we had kids to feed too? Could I afford to make that sacrifice? It’s an impossible situation, where my heart would be split between the responsibility of providing for my family, and caring for my clients and the most precious day of their lives. I am so relieved that I do not have to make such a significant choice, but many do. My friends and colleagues do.
There is no one piece of advice I can offer. There is no good solution for a situation where truly, everyone loses.
As a bride, I hope that my vendors are in the same fortunate position that I am in, where they can afford to help their clients without making detrimental financial sacrifices for their families. As a business owner, I would understand if they could not.
If you want to see your vendors serve you on your postponed date in 2021, you need to support them now. Your vendors’ postponement policies will guide you on how to do this. Take a human approach to this and talk with your vendors as people deeply financially and emotionally impacted by COVID-19, rather than businesses holding your deposits hostage or trying to take advantage of you during a vulnerable time. Assume the good in people! Hardship brings out much in people, but I have seen so much generosity and compassion shown during trying times like this too. My hope is that we as couples and vendors will all emerge from this hard season as a family!
Stay safe and healthy, and wash your hands!
MaKenna Holst
Perfectly Planned Moments
Image by Nirav Patel Photography